A Baker's Extravaganza

"I'm looking over, my dead dog Rover who's been hit by a power mower!
One leg is missing, the other is gone
One leg is scattered all over the lawn!
No need explaining, the leg remaining
It just sits there on the floor!
I'm looking over, my dead dog Rover
Who I'd never hit before!!!"

Ok, so maybe this song doesn't really encompass TERROR or HORROR. . . it's just kinda morbid. And it was stuck in my head today. But still, the gore illustrated by the carefully chosen words above lead into the first topic of discussion: HORROR!!

So I've never really been a horror movie fan. Actually, when it comes to scary movies in general I tend to avoid all contact. When I first met my husband, he tried to expand my thriller cinematic experience and discovered it was best to leave this one alone. The turning point: his introduction to the THRILLER TORNADO!!! The Thriller Tornado is my go-to move when I watch scary movies, and I do it whether or not we are in public. Nevertheless, my husband decided his pride in calling me his wife was more valuable than his pleasure in watching me freak out.

Back to the point. Horror. I hate to do this, but I think I'm going to. Three simple words: TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. Ugh. If I am remembering this correctly, it took us a few tries to get through this one. Let us imagine that creating a horror film is like decorating a cake, and since this film is based off of a true story, lets start with a red velevet base. Add a women pulling a gun out of her crotch and shooting her brains out, and there we have our rich icing. But that's not all we get. On top of the red deliciousness, we have a random leg sawed off here, people being hung on meat hooks there, victims being falayed: SPRINKLES!!!!! TCM is a truly horrifying film that reaches down your throat and rips your stomach out. It's just gross for people to watch. . . and yet they LOVE IT!!! Sick bastards.

On the other hand, we have red velevet's worst enemy: Mom's favorite TERROR BROWNIES!!! (The box kind). The thing about brownies is: They are SIMPLE! Terror is too. Terror doesn't need all the blood and guts and brains and injured people to get the point across. Terror just subtly slips itself into situations and you as the viewer just can't help the character find their way out of the creepy house where people are trying to kill them for no reason. That's right. This movie sucks, but I think some people liked it: THE STRANGERS. This film is suspenseful, it keeps you on edge (well, not me, but I think some people), and you NEVER SEE THEIR FREAKING FACES!! Ugh. What a sucky end. But the point is, there is no escape, no one comes to rescue them, there is no reasoning behind the attack, and there is no later explanation except: "YOU WERE HOME." Boo. My 2 year old nephew could come up with that one. But some people really feel that it's creepy!! This film plays off the fear of the unknown, which is what Julie discussed in class today. The couple is in an unfamiliar house in the middle of nowhere, alone, and totally unable to defend themselves against the other. One of the biggest aspects about this movie that keeps viewers on the edge of their seats (or whirling like a tornado) is that WE see the strangers in the house, in the background, and Liv and her boyfriend miss it most of the time. They can feel the danger, but they don't see it. . . while we do. So there you have it. Terror is a simple box of brownie mix that just needs oil, eggs, and a pan to complete its deliciousness.

So after this enlightening metaphoric example of Terror and Horror, I just have to ask: Which dessert would you buy at a charity bake sale?